I can't cry in front of people.

I stopped being vegan yesterday and I been cryin. The last time I cried was 91 days ago, when I decided to become vegan. I don't cry often, and I am generally frightened of crying in front of other people (or on the phone to other people). I was going to talk to Berkley about it, but I didn't want to cry. He phoned me and had time to talk but I couldn't do anything more than mention that I stopped being vegan. I am not ashamed of crying but I just can't let people to see.

Anyway:

I'd been tired and headaches and sick-but-not-quite-sick-enough-to-stay-home for most of August and now it feels like it is getting worse. I was sick for both of Nicole's parties in August. Mama said "where do you get your iron from?" and I said "I don't know." Berkley said "with what do you replace milk?" and I said "I don't know." I believe I failed to properly nourish myself. I'll be vegetarian for a week, and talk to a physician if my overall state of health doesn't improve.

It's weird being vegetarian. I bought a donut today, and a crepe. I didn't even have to think about it. There was no meat, so I could eat it.

Crying for me is also weird. Sometimes I want to cry so bad but can't. Generally it hits me when I don't expect it, and then for a short while I have a thing that I can think about to automatically cry. Usually it does not last this long, but I've had this fucking headache and congestion and bad breath (that one's due to me losing my wisdom teeth) and also I'm in school for firsties and feeling that. It makes me nervous that I do my homework in the mornings before class (what if something comes up and stops me?). So far I am on top of things. Mmmmmmaybe I could quit my job and therefore be able to get up, oh, five hours later. Would that be too lazy though?

And this fucking breath has been killing me these past two days. I guess bacteria is in my wounds? Perfectly normal, even though it is in my nose too. Whatever guys. I went through a whole pack of breath mints today. I would love for this shit to be gone by tomorrow. It stresses me out whenever I have to talk near someone. Sometimes the minty smell wafts out but is followed by the sewagey smell. It's so tricky.

I've stopped crying, btw. Writing is a thing that I do for me sometimes.