Can I get to it from here?

"I guess that Autumn
Gets you remembering
And even the smallest things
Can make you cry"

From "Autumn's Here" by Hawksley Workman


Changes in the seasons do things to me, recent evidence suggests. Spring and fall are the culprits. They make me reminiscent over nothing in particular, make me feel memories that I can't put my finger on. University memories, although I have none. New York in winter....

It happens only occasionally. It's quiet but powerful. It bothers me, for I cannot put my finger on this place that I remember. Where was it? Did it ever exist? Can I get to it from here?

Ah... this is such crazy talk. I suppose spring and autumn might just cause things to fire off in my brain. I wonder if it is linked to the quiet but ever-present want for a romantic companion. That's a strange thing about myself that I certainly don't understand. Sometimes I feel like maybe I will never have a girlfriend, and that's OK; other times it feels like I am just suppressing a great need for such a relationship. Past experience suggests that when I do have a romantic brush with a potential partner, I go a little crazy for that idea. I know that I can't do casual relationships. Good heavens, do I ever know that now.

Two videos came into my mind while thinking about this whole thing. This one might have planted the seeds for my bizarre and unrealistic fantasy of falling in love in New York in winter. It is (was) mainstream, and most people that I mention it to hate it, but that ought not to hold any weight. Here it is. The other is a good song, but it is more the video that hit something in my brain. It is not a spectacular video; it is fan-made and rather amateur. But it reminds me of that memory I don't actually have. It is here.

P.S. oh my god am I terrified about global warming. Winter is coming later and later, you can see it! Selfishly, this makes me paranoid for my future. Will the natural world be different for me than it was for everyone before? Am I running out of time for winter kisses?