If you were at a funeral and felt happy, would you not feel guilt in turn? What if you were at the funeral of your nation and your planet?
Monday, December 5, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
You said it would be all right
OK well have you seen this video yet?
It has been like a virus in my mind. There is something about it. I didn't miss the point about gay marriage, no, I get that and that is great, especially the first time I watched it. But mom and I agreed that it's a good movie without the ending, about enjoying life and love.
I don't know. I've been upset about school. But I am honestly working on that. I am also upset about how our world works. The oppression of people outside the first world. The rape and pillage of the environment, to the point where it does not even make economic sense. Everything is headed the wrong way, and it feels like all I can do is watch and get upset. National happiness has been decreasing since 1950. I wish I was born earlier, so there was hope, so there was actually an end left to fight for.
I wish we were all just hunter gatherers. What would the world happiness look like, then?
These aren't passing thoughts. These ones are sticking. Every time I get upset my mind falls on them. I just wish the world wasn't full of selfish people. I'm not going to give examples, this isn't an essay. But the people leading our country are horrible. The corporations leading our daily lives are horrible, and full of horrible people. Maybe you should just pepperspray me and put me in a crowded cell until I shut up, maybe that's what needs to happen.
Oh, why am I having so much trouble just doing my schoolwork? It is also making me upset. Five classes was too many.
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I just want to enjoy life like in the video. But I feel like I can't because I am too hopeless to get excited about school, and I can't stop feeling hopeless because no matter what I do the corporations will keep killing people, the police will keep attacking protestors, and the CEOs and conservative politicians will keep being corrupt and selfish bastards who encourage it. The federal election was horrible. Then there was a provincial election, and guess what, it was horrible.
I guess a feeling of hopelessness is just overshadowing everything. There's the elections, and I didn't get it together with school, and the more I learn about the current state of the world the less reason there is to do anything ever. The people smiling in the video, do they not read the news? Do they not understand how brutally our finite resources are being wasted, converted into pollution of all kinds? Are they aware of the world population? How close we are to the end? It feels like if someone is having a great life, they must be living in a fantasy world, ignoring all the problems.
Anyway, I identified the feeling so that's good. Hopelessness. I'm talking to a university counsellor next week. I'll have to organize my thoughts by then. I guess there's the being lazy with school problem (sometimes sitting for hours in a cubicle, fidgeting with my phone and getting nothing done) and then the hopelessness problem, and then how they intertwine.
OK. Well. Homework.
It has been like a virus in my mind. There is something about it. I didn't miss the point about gay marriage, no, I get that and that is great, especially the first time I watched it. But mom and I agreed that it's a good movie without the ending, about enjoying life and love.
I don't know. I've been upset about school. But I am honestly working on that. I am also upset about how our world works. The oppression of people outside the first world. The rape and pillage of the environment, to the point where it does not even make economic sense. Everything is headed the wrong way, and it feels like all I can do is watch and get upset. National happiness has been decreasing since 1950. I wish I was born earlier, so there was hope, so there was actually an end left to fight for.
I wish we were all just hunter gatherers. What would the world happiness look like, then?
These aren't passing thoughts. These ones are sticking. Every time I get upset my mind falls on them. I just wish the world wasn't full of selfish people. I'm not going to give examples, this isn't an essay. But the people leading our country are horrible. The corporations leading our daily lives are horrible, and full of horrible people. Maybe you should just pepperspray me and put me in a crowded cell until I shut up, maybe that's what needs to happen.
Oh, why am I having so much trouble just doing my schoolwork? It is also making me upset. Five classes was too many.
-----------
I just want to enjoy life like in the video. But I feel like I can't because I am too hopeless to get excited about school, and I can't stop feeling hopeless because no matter what I do the corporations will keep killing people, the police will keep attacking protestors, and the CEOs and conservative politicians will keep being corrupt and selfish bastards who encourage it. The federal election was horrible. Then there was a provincial election, and guess what, it was horrible.
I guess a feeling of hopelessness is just overshadowing everything. There's the elections, and I didn't get it together with school, and the more I learn about the current state of the world the less reason there is to do anything ever. The people smiling in the video, do they not read the news? Do they not understand how brutally our finite resources are being wasted, converted into pollution of all kinds? Are they aware of the world population? How close we are to the end? It feels like if someone is having a great life, they must be living in a fantasy world, ignoring all the problems.
Anyway, I identified the feeling so that's good. Hopelessness. I'm talking to a university counsellor next week. I'll have to organize my thoughts by then. I guess there's the being lazy with school problem (sometimes sitting for hours in a cubicle, fidgeting with my phone and getting nothing done) and then the hopelessness problem, and then how they intertwine.
OK. Well. Homework.
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