Figurin' Self Out

I've realized a few things! Sweet!

Here they are:

1. I need faith in humanity in order to feel hope
2. I need to feel hope in order to be happy
3. A big problem I have is that I despair.

When I am in a homework bind, I despair. Then I nearly give up. And then I am stuck feeling hopeless about myself as well as humanity! Then that cycles either until I sleep, or for a little longer.

So, finding hope for humanity and abstaining from despair are my big challenges. They are daunting! But at least I have identified two big challenges.

College baby

HERE IS MY SUPER SWEET HOMEWORK PLAN:

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Tuesday (9 hours homework)
- CMRS research (3 hours)
- 242 research (3 hours)
- Bit of research for learning community (30 minutes)
- study for WA midterm (2 hours)
- Prepare tour (30 minutes)

Wednesday (7.5 hours homework)
- Finish CMRS research (1.5 hours)
- Outline CMRS! (2 hours)
- Rehearse Tour (1 hour)
- Write intro to CMRS (1 hour)
- Study WA (2 hours)

Thursday (8.5 hours homework)
Finish 242 research (1.5 hours)
Write 242 Proposal (2 hours)
Write CMRS (5 hours)
--------------------------

As you can see, it's 7-9 hours of additional work per day. Everything else, like class and work and volunteering, is already 5 hours Tuesday, 7 hours Wednesday, and 3 hours Thursday. Friday is a very busy day too, but all the important things are due Friday morning.

Then Saturday is the big museum event that Jenna and I have been planning by ourselves for months. I will be observed during this event to see how qualified I am for a summer job with the museum.

So just lay the stress on me! Shovel it in my mouth!
BUT
I am trying to be healthy and optimistic! I hope that when Sunday comes, I will be very proud of my week. Root for me! Tonight is my special sleep night - 9 hours!

You know the classic "where on earth is it - oh, it's in my hand"? Well here's a modern twist: "where is my iPhone? Oh, it's in my hand, and I am reading an article in it while I wonder where it is"

Are you Irish or French? Do you want to trade iPods? Irish accents and French words sound best, have you noticed?

Here is the chorus of Frightened Rabbit's Modern Leper:

Is that you, in front of me,
Coming back for even more of exactly the same?
You must be a masochist
To love a modern leper on his last leg

He carved five chairs for them, they always liked to sit in the evenings

Can't help but imagine some sad Etruscan spending days carving chairs for his/her dead relatives.


I'm doing schoolwork right now. I've been doing these: focusing less on the very moment and more on my end goals; paying attention to a thorough work schedule. I'm tired of failing myself and it's time to change. So far so good.

Emotions are so strange and sometimes I don't know if I want them to stay or go! Whatever! I'm going back to work.

Today's a fine day.

Do you want to know something interesting about humans? Humans can be on the brink of an emotional breakdown, but with all of their conflict internal. Some humans you can look at and have no idea. It happens often. It's called composure. I observed this of myself today and found it interesting.

I am a little stressed about school and such. But, I have decided that it is a fine day. I have developed the mental habit of thinking either the phrase "fuck today!" or "today is 'fuck' day!" It's time to can the fuck-jaw, stressberry. Fuck day is on its way out, and fine day is in vogue.

Time to drop dill and get to the sniffy-wiffy on this bad ball baby.